Funeral Etiquette
Support starts with understanding: Funeral Etiquette
Offering Comfort with Confidence
When someone you know experiences a loss, it’s natural to feel unsure about what to say or do. Understanding a few basic funeral etiquette guidelines can help you offer genuine comfort while showing respect to the grieving family.
When Should I Visit?
As soon as you learn of a death, it is appropriate to reach out to the family to offer your condolences. Many people choose to visit during scheduled visitations or services at the funeral home. If you know the family personally, visiting them at home in the days leading up to the service can be meaningful—especially if you bring support, not just sympathy.
Simple acts like bringing food, offering childcare, helping with household chores, or running errands can be incredibly helpful during this difficult time.
What Should I Say?
This is one of the most common concerns. While no words can erase the pain of loss, offering heartfelt condolences like “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or “Your loved one will be deeply missed,” can provide comfort. Keep your words simple, sincere, and supportive.
Avoid phrases that attempt to explain the loss, like “They’re in a better place” or “At least they lived a long life,” as these may unintentionally diminish the mourner’s feelings. Instead, focus on listening with compassion and being present.
Where Should I Sit?
Seating can vary by location and service type, but generally:
- The first few rows are reserved for immediate family and close relatives.
- Friends, co-workers, and acquaintances should sit behind the family section.
- If unsure, ask a funeral home staff member for guidance when entering the chapel or venue.
What Should I Do at a Funeral or Visitation?
- Arrive on time. Being punctual shows respect for both the family and the deceased.
- Enter quietly and silence your phone before the service begins.
- If attending a visitation, take a moment to speak briefly with the family and offer your condolences before finding a seat.
- If the service includes religious or cultural customs, participate respectfully or observe quietly.
- If you must leave early or step out, do so discreetly.
Should I Bring Children?
It depends on the child’s age, maturity, and relationship to the deceased.
- Young children may have trouble sitting through a full service.
- If you do bring a child, prepare them in advance by explaining what to expect and how they should behave.
- Consider having an exit plan in case your child becomes restless or emotional.
When appropriate, involving children in farewells can be a healthy part of the grieving process.
What Should I Give?
There are many thoughtful ways to express your sympathy:
- Flowers are a traditional gesture and may be sent to the funeral home or the family’s home.
- Memorial donations are sometimes requested by the family in lieu of flowers. Follow the family’s wishes if a specific charity or organization is listed.
- Sympathy cards are always appropriate and appreciated—whether mailed before or after the service.
- Food is often welcomed, especially in the days following the funeral when the family may not feel up to cooking.
There is no deadline for offering your condolences—a kind gesture is appreciated at any time.
