Children & Grief

Helping Young Hearts Heal: Children & Grief

Losing a loved one is difficult at any age—but for children, it can be especially confusing and overwhelming. That’s why it’s so important to support them with patience, honesty, and age-appropriate guidance.

Understanding How Children Grieve

Children experience grief differently than adults. Their ability to understand death depends on their age, maturity, and previous experiences with loss.


  • Young children may not fully grasp that death is permanent and may ask repeated questions or seem unaffected at times.
  • Older children and teens often feel a wider range of emotions, including anger, sadness, guilt, or even fear about their own mortality.


Grief may show up through behavior changes, regression, withdrawal, or even physical symptoms. It’s important to meet children where they are, emotionally and developmentally.

How do children respond to the death of a loved one?

The age and emotional development of a child will influence the way they experience grief

Ages 2 to 7

How Children Ages 2–7 Respond to Death

For children under age 7, death is often seen as temporary or reversible—more like a separation than a permanent loss. Because of this, they may feel confused, abandoned, or fearful, especially if their routine is disrupted.


Children in this age group may show signs of distress by:

  • Becoming clingy or fearful of being alone
  • Having trouble sleeping, especially at night
  • Resisting going to school or daycare
  • Regressing in behavior—such as bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, or toileting issues
  • Displaying emotional outbursts or tantrums
  • Engaging in role-playing or creating imaginary scenarios to process the loss
  • Showing changes in appetite or energy levels

 

Very young children (ages 2–3) may not have the words to express their feelings, so their grief often appears through changes in behavior or increased irritability. They may also temporarily lose speech or developmental milestones.


Offering consistency, reassurance, and simple, honest explanations can help young children begin to understand and cope with their grief. Most importantly, let them know they are safe and loved.

Ages 7 to 12

How Children Ages 7–12 Respond to Death

By ages 7 to 12, most children begin to understand that death is permanent and irreversible. With this awareness may come a deeper emotional response, including fear, anxiety, or concern about their own safety and the safety of those around them.


Some children may:

  • Develop a fear of death or illness affecting themselves or loved ones
  • Engage in “protective” behaviors—trying to be extra good, brave, or aligned with adults they see as protectors
  • Withdraw emotionally or socially from peers or family
  • Ask more detailed or direct questions about death and what happens afterward


Grief at this age may also impact a child’s ability to concentrate and cope with daily routines. Common signs include:

  • Difficulty focusing on schoolwork or following instructions
  • Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels
  • Increased irritability, sadness, or emotional ups and downs
  • Physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches with no clear cause


Children in this age group may benefit from open, honest conversations and opportunities to express their feelings through talking, drawing, or other creative outlets. Routine, reassurance, and consistent emotional support are especially helpful during this time.

Teens

How Teens Respond to Grief

Teenagers typically understand death much like adults do—they recognize it as permanent and irreversible. However, their emotional response can be more intense or harder to express. Because teens are still developing emotionally and psychologically, they may struggle to cope in healthy ways.


Some teens may:

  • Withdraw from family or friends
  • Express anger, sadness, or guilt in unpredictable ways
  • Take on adult responsibilities or, conversely, regress into more childlike behaviors
  • Engage in risky behaviors such as reckless driving, substance use, or unsafe relationships as a way to cope or feel in control
  • Struggle academically or lose interest in previously enjoyed activities


In some cases, grief may lead to depression or suicidal thoughts, especially if the teen already feels isolated or unsupported. Warning signs can include:

  • Preoccupation with death or dying
  • Talking or joking about suicide
  • Giving away personal belongings
  • Sudden shifts in behavior, mood, or sleep patterns


It’s important for parents, caregivers, and educators to stay connected, listen without judgment, and watch for signs that the teen may need professional help. If there are any concerns about a teen’s safety or mental health, seeking support from a licensed counselor or mental health provider is critical.


Grieving teens often benefit from honest conversations, peer support groups, and creative outlets that allow them to process their feelings in their own time and way.

Additional Support for Grieving Children

You may find it helpful to seek guidance from a licensed therapist who is trained to work with children. Trauma-informed and play therapy specialists can also support your child while helping you navigate the best ways to address their grief.


We've also compiled a list of children's books that deal with grief, which you may find useful. You can access the list here.